Prologue
Azong Tiye ran away through the passageway. His childlike laughter echoed behind him.
"That boy is a bundle of mischief," complained Conura Tiye, Azong's mother. "No good will come from him." She continued, soaking up the oil that Azong had tipped al over the space shuttle floor.
"You will NOT talk about my son in that way!" Leniel Tiye shouted, slapping Conura on her cheek. One of his hands slowly moved to the blaster in his black belt. Conura fell to the floor. Leniel came and stood over her, his blaster resting on her head.
"Say this." Leniel said, shoving a fist in Conura's face. "My son is the most promising sith in the galaxy. He will rule over us. I will bow my knee."
Conura spat.
"SAY IT!" Leniel shouted at her.
"My son is the most promising Sith Lord in the galaxy." Conura spat out.
"Good," Leniel said, letting go of Conura. Falling to the floor, she gave out a scream. Conura fell and hit her head on the floor. Leniel stalked out to find his son.
Azong was in the engine room, perched atop of one of the engines with two of his arms holding on, the other two were holding a pack of cards. A bunch of rocks were scattered on the ground.
"Wanna play, Sith Lord?" Azong asked as Leniel came into the room. Azong stooped down and started picking up the rocks. He was stopped by a foot slammed down on a rock, smashing it. Azong froze and looked up.
"I don't have time for games. Neither do you." Leniel said, glaring down at his son.
"Who says." Azong said, examining a rock in his hand. Leniel slapped Azong's head. Hard. Azong flew into the wall on the space craft.
"You will have proper respect for a Sith Lord!" Leinel shouted in Azong's face. Azong cowered. He fell to the ground, whimpering. Leinel strode out.
"Will I? No, I won't." Azong clenched his hand tightly.
"I won't."
-RaptoR
Cool piece.
ReplyDeleteWould you like some critiques?
Sure.
DeleteWell, I liked how you displayed that Azong's father wishes for his son to be great, and how he displays it, but it seemed a little rushed. Unless his character is extremely erratic, it would be hard to imagine someone about to kill his wife in an instant, unless there was something behind it, so you could explain it more clearly beforehand.
DeleteAlso, I was confused for a moment as to how Conura fell, if she was pushed, just fell, or was shot? I figured it out, but it confused me for a moment. Also when Azong had picked her up and let her drop, I didn't realize he had ever picked her up in the first place, so you may want to clarify those things.
:( Poor Azong . . .
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I rather agree with what the WordWeaver said, but other than that, this is good. Poor Azong indeed.
ReplyDelete