Charlie Jimbob's Mechanical Appendages Issues Galaxy-Wide Recall

Charlie Jimbob’s Mechanical Appendages Issues Galaxy-Wide Recall

By Morwenna Paiko, special correspondent

Early this morning a Charlie Jimbob’s Mechanical Appendages spokesperson announced a galaxy-wide recall on several products: the mechanical prosthetic Models PL2, PL1, PF1, PA1, PA2, PH1 and PH2--otherwise known as robotic hands, robotic legs, robotic arms, and robotic faces.

The recalls were issued after several angry customers reported malfunctions in their products.

“I bought a pair of robotic hands after I was injured in an assassination attempt,” confessed a member of the Galactic Senate, who asked to remain unidentified. “For a few months, my new hands were working fine. Absolutely no problems at all--just like having my old ones back. But last week they started short-circuiting during a Meet and Greet. Every time I shook hands with one of the prospective voters, the live wires in my hands touched their palm. It gave the voters an electric shock. That was, without a doubt, one of the most humiliating moments of my life.”

“My robotic legs were working like a dream until last week,” reported a Jedi Knight. “Then they started malfunctioning. They’d stiffen up whenever I made right-turns . . . my knees would lock, the gears would start grinding, and I could even hear the hum of electricity. The knee joints wouldn’t bend--no matter how much oil I put on them. In the end, I was stuck walking like a penguin.”

“My robotic face is giving me some serious chocolate,” a rather disgruntled Sith Lady admitted during a press conference. “It keeps flibbertygibbet saying the wrong bazooka words whenever I try Dun Mocha. My competance as a Sith is pineapple. Jedi laugh at me, instead of winking pizza.”

Reporters at the CaC2 Star Herald decided to investigate this further. First we visited Azong Tiye, a besalisk Sith lord who recently acquired robotic legs after being attacked by Koynar Tol.

“You evil slime-coated aliens,” Tiye growled after being informed of the recall. “Don’t ever do that again. Or else.”

When asked if he had suffered any malfunctions with his robotic legs, Azong admitted that he had experienced a few mishaps. “I nearly died because of it.” The Besalisk went to swear revenge on Charlie Jimbob’s.

We also visited Kian Shekk, a young Jedi Knight. Shekk complained that his robotic legs were too squeaky, and expressed concern over their durability in battle. He also announced that he intended to press charges against Charlie Jimbob’s Mechanical Appendages--and ended the interview by punching our hapless reporter and insulting the other victims’ intelligence.

“We intend to fully recompensate all of our customers,” said the CEO of CJMA. “And appreciate their patience and understanding in this matter.”