I was born in hyperspace. Raised on Korriban.
2. Do you have any family?
Unfortunately, yes. Gnawy and Nordan. Plus Alessa. I'm glad to have Lessa, but could do without the rest of 'em.
3. What are some of your goals in life?
Killing Pik and Iggy. *maniacal smile spreads from ear to ear*
4. Who do you count as your best friend?
I don't have friends, seeing as I usually end up backstabbing my teammates at the end of the hunt. But I've been around Javez, Lessa and Athia for several months now. We get along pretty well and our histories bind us together. Plus, we make a good team. I guess they're the only people I wouldn't murder if it was in my best interests.
So yeah. Lessa, Athia, Javez and me. BFFs or whatever. *rolls eyes*
5. Do you have a hobby? If so, what is it?
Nope. I don't knit or crochet or collect bugs or any of that stuff.
6. What is your species?
What--YOU DARE--do I look like one of those freaky aliens? Gahhhh… what is it with you people?!?!
7. Who would you like to be most of all?
I'm satisfied as little ol' me. Although being Supreme Crime-Empress of the Universe wouldn't be too bad.
8. What was the most devastating moment of your life?
Uhhh... that's a very insensitive question. One that I don't think I'll honor with an answer. *sucks noisily on a lemon*
9. What was the best moment of your life?
When Pyre told me that Travar went KAAABOOM! BANG! ZAP! FWOOSH! Nothin' left but a pile of ashes!
Y'see, if the crazy Umbaran's dead, then that means he won't murder me. If he won't murder me, that means there are no consequences for anything. If there are no consequences for anything, then I can run amok with impunity, terrorizing the populace and sucking the proverbial marrow out of my crime-ridden life.
10. Who are your enemies?
Iggy. Pik. Gnawthrul. Dorn. Other bounty hunters trying to steal my business.
11. Who do you count as your archenemy?
Gnawy. Yeah. In the Haniri family, sibling rivalry gets deadly.
12. Do you have any mechanical appendages?
Golll-lleeee. Do I look like a cyborg to you or somethin'?
13. Who and/or what has impacted you the most?
Cade. Mom. Dad. Nordan and Gnawthrul. Lessa.
14. If you could choose to save yourself or your best friend, who would you save?
Let's face it, folks--I'm not a hero. So IDK.
15. What do you plan to do after retiring?
I'm never gonna retire. I'll die like I've lived--with a smoking blaster in my hand and a smirk on my beautiful ol' face.
Next I'm gonna tag Jorus Travar, cuz I wanna gloat in the comments about his death and my newfound freedom.
Essa Haniri
Bounty Hunter Extrodinaire
And yet, with all your arrogance and gloating, you still spell Extraordinaire wrong, Ess.
ReplyDeleteHa. Cade, you for one should know that good learningness ain't never did nobody no good so why should I bother?
DeleteAnd aren't you supposed to be, like, dead or something?
*quirks eyebrow* Now you're going over the top, Ess.
DeleteI could say that death will never stop true love, but since you gave me up for money, I don't think it was true love…and isn't this Jorus person supposed to be dead, too?
Haha. You still do that weird thing with your eyebrow.
DeleteYeah. Money. Ironic, isn't it? You loooooved money. If it makes you feel any better, I bought a nifty new speeder with the bounty.
Uh-huh. Travar's dead. But notice that I tagged him and not you. There's a reason for that.
A comment debate! I like watching comment debates! They're so amusing...
Delete*quirks eyebrow again* That's me, I guess.
DeleteAnd you loooooved money more than me, didn't you? Essa Haniri and her sweetheart Mr. Dollar Bill. Off on their honeymoon with a 'nifty new speeder' bought with the murder money for Cade Evicci, who she just used until the time was right for her to swoop in and kill…cue romantic music…
Proves my point. 'Cos if Travar can come back to life to answer a question, I can come back to life to comment on your interviews.
Yeeeeeah, Caspar. Real amusing.
Delete*Throws a lemon at Cade* Whatevs.
Ha! Mr. Dollar Bill treats me much better than you ever did. He never monopolizes my life. He knows when to shut up. He lets me order what I want at restaurants, doesn't talk with his mouth full, doesn't drink milk straight out of the jug and is willing to listen to MY TRAUMATIC LIFE STORY without changing the subject or snickering… *pant pant*
*draws blaster on him* Go ahead and do that. I just get to kill you again. Yay. I wonder if they'll pay me twice for the same body…?
*catches lemon and sucks on it* Hs ths bn n yr mth yt?
Delete*removes lemon* What, Mr. Dollar Bill never monopolizes your life? Little Essy Han-EERIE is living for money and she claims that Mr. Dollar Bill doesn't control her. Oh, very funny. *claps sarcastically*
I let you order what you want at restaurants, to a point. But when you go for the big things, that's when I put my paddle in. And talking with your mouth full isn't a bad thing. Neither is drinking milk straight out of the jug. They're merely cultural points that YOU DON'T LIKE. And your 'traumatic life story' is just a pathetic rant against your siblings and your pity-me life on Korriban that very quickly gets old. So, no, I obviously don't want to listen to it. There's other things to talk about—other things that aren't as boring.
*smirks* Oh, yeah? I'm a Jedi, Ess, in case you forgot. *ignites lightsaber* And I've got more lightsaber training than you. Try me, and Essa Haniri will be delivered in pieces to all her numerous enemies.
*sucks lemon again*
Oh yeah. I sucked on it for ages.
Delete*flushes red-hot* ESSA HAN-EER-EE! Get it right! Gah. Now I remember why I killed you. Why can't you just stay dead, huh?
Ha. You wouldn't let me order a slushy because there was lots of perfectly good snow outside that I could eat, without wasting money. So I did. I ATE THE SNOW, CADE. And talking with you mouth full of guacamole and cheese sauce is a sin. Anyone who's seen it will agree. *rolls eyes* Those aren't "cultural points." They're manipulative, selfish, one-sided, hypocritical and quite frankly repulsive.
Even if my story IS pathetic, you should have listened. I was a nervous wreck and it would have meant the world to get some SYMPATHY. Some HELP. But nooooooo! You wanted to monologue about your pinball exploits.
That hurts, y'know?
*grabs lemon from Cade and sticks it in her own mouth* Yeah, yeah, whatevs. I did it once, I can do it again.
*stifles a snicker*
DeleteTemper Temper. Tut tut.
Delete*shrugs* Who cares? I'm sick, not you.
DeleteTemperamental. Now I remember why you killed me. Your little burning temper when you didn't like what I said.
Well, it's true. Snow's much less expensive than slushies are. And I've eaten snow before, and it doesn't taste bad.
Yeah, talking to me when I've got my mouth full is a sin. So stop sinning. And it's not any of those, because you began the conversations when I had my mouth full.
If you ain't gonna listen, I ain't gonna listen either. There are things that I want to talk about. There are things you want to talk about. And after the fourth or fifth time, all the pity-me stuff got boring. Frankly, I've forgotten most of it. And pinball is so much more interesting than me-me-me stories from little Essy Han-eerie.
Oh yeah? Try it, then.
Yeah, you got that right. You're sick.
DeleteHeh. There was more to it than that, Cade, and you know it.
*rolls eyes* It doesn't taste bad. But it sure was humiliating. I've got a reputation to uphold.
See, this was why I killed you. One minute you accuse ME of being self-centered and egoistic for talking about home---then you start prattling on about your stupid pinball. On and on and on… blah blah blah blah pinball blah blah blah…
Y'know what I call that? Hypocrisy. And anyway, my Traumatic Life Story is definitely more interesting. At least there's actually some dialogue and fighting, whereas pinball's just shooting a ball back and forth.
And it's ESSA. ESSA HAN-EER-EE! *tries to think of a way to morph Cade's name* Uhh… get it right, Dwayne Montemorency! *facepalms and realizes that it's not a good nickname*
Okay. I think I will try it. *shoots*
I've got Tibanna fever. Again. Have fun with it, because you did suck my lemon.
DeleteOh yeah? Tell me more. Tell it to me from your perspective.
Well, as that doesn't seem to be hurting your reputation now, it's obviously not that humiliating. So get over it.
Have you ever played pinball, Essy? *snickers* And I topped Govan Kelcor's record in pinball, in case you didn't hear last time I told you. And won stacks and stacks off him. About talking about home—that's self-centered. All me, me, me, me. You as a Haniri of the rich and powerful Haniri family. Yeah, of course I accused you of being egotistic and self-centered. Pinball's at least about other people aside from myself. Like Govan. And Govan was at least sensible enough not to kill me for doing something he didn't like. Unlike you.
As I said, pinball's about other people. And Money. Your Traumatic Life Story isn't. Just about you and your psychotic and evil brothers and how they pressed you to do what they wanted and blah, blah, blah…it gets redundant after a while.
Is that the best you can do, Miss Han-eerie? 'Cos I could think of something to call myself, but there's no way I'm telling you. *smirks*
*deflects shot into the ground* You're not trying. That's pathetic. Just like everything else about you.
Ha. I got my vaccinations years ago. Sorry to spoil your fun.
Delete*takes a deep breath* You were selfish, obsessive, hypocritical, superficial, wouldn't let me do anything on my own, always insisted on getting your way, wouldn't rest until you'd won each argument, chased down every petty whim, gambled away all my money then laughed like it was funny, then got angry when I didn't laugh too and pouted until I apologized, treated all my problems like they were inferior to you pinball games, humiliated me in public, nearly got me killed several times and then had the nerve to suggest that everything was my fault… *pants hard* THAT is my side. And THAT is why you're dead.
*raises chin* Yes, I have played pinball--at your insistence, or have you forgotten that already? It was a stupid game. No practical application at all. And don't say that gambling is a practical application, because however much you won on wagers, you lost it five times over in the long run.
Ohhh, I can think of a lot of things to call you, Cade. But none of them are appropriate for polite conversation. And I will not descend to your level this time.
*hesitates* *fires another shot*
*shrugs* Who cares? I've had Tibanna fever more than once. And vaccinations more than once.
DeleteNo, I'm not. That's your point of view, and you're flat-out wrong. Nuh-uh, no way. And your problems are pathetic, as I have said over and over and over…and therefore inferior to pinball. And I only humiliated you because you needed to learn to be humble. Duh. And what it feels like to be humiliated, like when you growl at me for 'wasting' the money that you said I could borrow. In public. And those brushes with death—they WERE your fault. You're the one who makes all the noises. So it's your nerve, not mine, and it's your fault.
Oh yeah? What about rankings in the Intergalactic Pinball Association and the annual Tournaments? What about speed of eyesight and speed of reflexes? Pinball does have practical applications. And if you're trying to manipulate the ball with the Force—which I only ever did once in a real match—it's quite tricky to get a hold on something so small that moves so fast and make it look like I'm not doing it. So there. It's got practical application. *sticks out tongue at Essa* And you lose money on gambling, too, so don't you go telling me off about it.
Nope, I'm still above your level. And always will be. You're pathetic.
*deflects the shot* *yawns* Come on, Essy Han-eerie. You're supposed to be a Sith, or someone who used to be a Sith. Surely you can do better than that.
Mama, who is this?
DeleteOh Essa, you thoroughly amuse me. xD
ReplyDelete*takes bow*
DeleteI live to amuse.
Would I be Supreme Crime-Empress after you die?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. We could start a Crime-Empress Dynasty.
DeleteMaybe.
DeleteDid you know that someone else is after you?
Somebody's always after me. *rolls eyes* But who's this new guy?
DeleteSome guy sent by the police. He's sorta a bounty hunter, but not quite. He's like an undercover Jedi. And he's coming to the hospital.
DeleteHu oh. *looks around nervously for new undercover guy*
DeleteOh dear. Undercover Jedi. *rolls eyes* Like I haven't seen that before. *kicks Cade*
DeleteDon't worry, Less. I think I know who it is already… *gives Caspar and evil glare*
I don't know who it is. But he's a really good tracker and stuff.
DeleteWha-- *points at self* You think it's me??
DeleteGood tracker? Maybe. Jedi? No way. I do work for them sometimes, though.
DeleteI'm coming for you, Essa.....
ReplyDeleteYou too, Pyre. Especially you. But you don't know I'm still alive yet..
DeleteOoooOOoooh! *wiggles fingers at Kal* I'm shaking in my boots. Come and get me. I dare you. No--I double-dare you. *loads blaster and takes aim*
DeleteWith pleasure! See you soon!
DeleteAbout the alien thing—there are some aliens in your galaxy that look very similar to humans.
ReplyDeleteWho is this 'Jorus' anyway? I've heard much about him...
ReplyDeleteYou fought him once, remember? When you stole the holocron. He fought you then and captured you.
DeleteHa, that's right! I suppose I'm quite glad he's dead, then...
DeleteHe's that big fat guy...
DeleteAzong, behave yourself!
DeleteYou again. Why didn't I end you in Tatooine when I had the chance...
DeleteBecause you couldn't. I am more powerful than you. You also underestimate what powers I have in Tatooine.
DeleteWaa Waa Waa. Big scary Ramo. Thinks he can beat me. 'You also underestimate what powers I have in Tatooine.' Ha. I'll be sure to come to your PIG FARM later.
Delete