Kian Gloats

((I'm using the old Kian's voice as I write this - somewhere before or around Si's death, even though the parazylation bit happened afterwards.  I thought it would be interesting to revisit his past state of mind.))

It's still January, and therefore I'm still the Character of the Month - and I still get to lord over you a while longer.


Let's cut the fluff and get to the point of why I'm here.  You people - my author and his goonies - you are terribly disturbed, and it's obviously my job to set you right.

And so without further duo, I present to you how I will make Earth (and consequentially my own world) a better place.

1.  The underdog should never be abused.
Just because you have power over someone, does that mean you have the right to abuse them?  No, I don't think so.  You will not control me!

2.  Having the right to something doesn't mean you should do it.
So maybe you do have the right to abuse me (MAYBE).  Because, y'know, I wouldn't exist if it weren't for your addled brains anyway.  So maybe you do have the right - but think about the other guy!  Be considerate, man!  Is your own satisfaction (for suffering) and amusement (of pain) really worth my expense?  Just think about it.  Or do I have to guilt trip you all into it, huh?!  You will not control me!

3.  Character Unions are a bad idea, actually.
Character Unions are a horrible idea.  I know, this seems kind of weird, but characters shouldn't have to form unions to protect themselves.  You created us - you're responsible.  After all, with great wackiness comes at least a little responsibility.  So I expect all of you to give me a good meal and a relaxing day tomorrow - it's your job as an author to satisfy my wills!  You will not control me!

4.  Stop adding to our stories.
So you've made me suffer paralyzation, and from the start I know you've had some kind of shadowy backstory for me (cliche; tut tut), but I know you didn't have some of the other stuff planned for me originally.  Stop adding to my story!  You're making me suffer more and more and more and I hate it!  You will not control me!

5.  Idiocy.
There's no excuse for idiots.  And Sir Warrior, you are the worst of them all.  Seriously!  You had to chop of my legs - just because at the time you didn't know there actually was a cure to torn spinal cords?!  I HATE YOU MAN!  You're ignorance cost you a lot of my respect.  You will not control me!

7.  What can I say . . . learn to number your lists right, man.
You will not control me!

8.  When you plan on doing something bad to me, pause and take a walk.
It'll avoid a lot of mistakes for you!  In the spur of the moment, you nearly killed me on Cloud City.  And yet you had far greater plans for me yet.  Spur of the moment randomicities will only ruin the story!  When you're thinking about doing something drastic, like killing me or letting Gamey kill Si, take a short walk outside in your t-shirt and shorts (even if it's -3) and cool down.  Slow your heart pace, and think about the ramifications.  CaC2 will be a better place if you do it.  And in the process - you will not control me! which is always a perk.

9.  Instead of torturing me, read a flowery romance book.
It might scare you so bad you have a heart attack - which would save me from a lot of pain for quite a while.  You could also try watching the Phantom Menace in 3D, that might be worse than a romance . . .
Or maybe you should just go watch the movies.  Y'know, CaC2 doesn't have the plot structure of the movies or anything, so obviously CaC2 must be a bad story.

10.  Do something kind to us.
I want some respect.  If you're going to have something random happen, bring my dad back.  Bring Kim back.  If you want me to cry - make me cry with joy, not hate.  Not revenge.  Not fear.

I hope you would well consider these things.
- Kian Shekk